We don’t want to look back but the future is uncertain. How do we find balance and a way to thrive in 2021?

"Good riddance 2020" was the mantra of the last month. 

Bye Felicia. Don’t let last year hit you in the *ss. Bring on the new year! 

Full of anticipation, people hosted zoom dance parties and braved the outdoors in sequined masks as the world excitedly ushered in 2021 with the promise (hope?) of a new era.

What exactly did we expect? 

Largely nothing changed as the century turned 21. The Times Square ball drop went off as usual (though the streets were eerily empty), people partied in whatever way suited them, and as morning dawned most went about their lives in exactly the same way as the day before.

By Tuesday not only was all of 2020 still looming but there was a new layer of emotion emerging.

By Wednesday, all hell was breaking loose with tensions high for everyone.

By Thursday, the memes were popping up: I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021. I’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and I’m not interested in participating.

The harsh reality of 2021 is that no matter what opinion you have about 2020 everyone is still affected by it; the health crisis, (un)employment, and politics. It’s unrestful, uncertain, and a little more unsettling because this was supposed to be a NEW year.

My relocation from California to Nashville last January forced some adjustments. Gone were the days I’d sit in my local café after my Saturday morning yoga class with my favorite instructor and friend Samantha Mehra, so I was incredibly grateful when she started teaching classes on zoom. At least my Saturday ritual was (mostly) back on track. Sure, the café was now my kitchen and my guest room doubled as the studio, but I got to hang with my old friends at Light on Lotus and find my weekly dose of balanced bliss. As a teacher, Sam has a unique quality of always being exactly what you need, when you need it, whether you realize it or not. I never left a class without feeling energized, focused, complete, and whole.

After the disappointment of NYE, I eagerly looked forward to Saturday as it was the first class of the new year. Sam started the session with an exercise that asked everyone to imagine a line straight through their body at the center. With our eyes closed we were to mentally scan the right side of our bodies from head to toe, forward to back. Easily my mind tracked a clear beam of light through my circular system, up one side of my body and down the other, tracing my bones, vessels, my brain, eyes, mouth, and heart. Then she moved us to the left side to do the same. Oddly, I couldn’t see it. Shouldn’t it be the same? I struggled with the idea that I couldn’t see it in exactly the same way on the opposite side. The clear beam of light became a misty fog filled with shadows. A weak feeling of invisibleness replaced the same areas that moments ago shined clearly on my right.  What was wrong with me? As much as I concentrated, I couldn’t do it.

Why couldn’t I do it? My mind wandered. Was the issue with my right or left body, or brain, or both? A novice at understanding the intricacies of the body and brain, I knew a few things; the right side of the body represents the masculine and left side represents the feminine, the right brain controls the left side and the left controls the right, plus the right side of the brain controls art/creativity and the left side of the brain controls analytical/methodical thinking. What, if anything, needed unpacking and introspection? The infinite scenarios of right vs left and their impact on emotion, physicality, and logical thinking were overwhelming.

As I struggled to breathe, and focus, it became more evident that I was losing sight of the very thing I was trying to control. My mind was racing with ways to fix it, only I was making it worse, until I stopped, took a deep breath, and let go. 

And there it was. Truth.  

The harder we try to control something the worse we will become at it.  

Replacing the need to control the experience with allowing myself to experience the moment jolted me into clarity. I had gotten so wrapped up in trying to figure out why I couldn’t do the exercise  that I sabotaged the outcome. What other areas did/would this apply? Like a lot of people, I had I become so wrapped up in working, socializing, exercising, and dining from my couch that life had become a bit of a blur I was trying to control, to make it seem more normal. The problem was, the harder I tried, the less it seemed so.

After that class I took a little time for introspection.

It started with a nature walk around Radnor lake in Nashville to clear my head. Camera in hand, I headed out on an unusually warm day in the middle of a cold snap. Remnants of a recent snowfall left small patches of water melting on the ground as the sun created waves of color between the grey trees and branches. 

As I walked along the rocky path, I came across a heron standing stoically on the bank of the lake, focused on catching a fish for dinner. I thought about my morning class and how I struggled with the stillness. I studied the bird for a few minutes, then took several shots from many angles. It didn’t move. It remained steadfast. After about 20 minutes I moved on and walked the lake for over an hour, pondering the lessons I needed to learn. On my return I saw the same bird in the same spot, eyes still fixed on the lake, unwavering in determination. The bird hadn’t moved. Not one inch. The fact that the bird had not wavered was astounding because, like me, dozens of people had gathered around the area, talking loudly, taking pictures, and creating distraction. I was awed by the calm the bird exhibited; peaceful, steady, completely aware of its surroundings yet able to remain perfectly poised despite not being able to control the surrounding circumstances. Well done, nature. Lesson learned.

I decided what I really needed to do is take the pressure off 2021 as the year to save me and work instead on savoring the experiences that 2021 will bring.  

Great, I had a revelation. Now what do I do with it?

That afternoon I put together 5 simple ways to help clear the clutter and open a space for balance in my life.

(Note* emphasis on simple, and quick, and easy. These are things that work for me, and I’m sharing in case they might work for you.  As with anything, take what resonates, use that, and lose the rest. Above all else do what works for you.)

#1 Create a road map (create/be ok with your life)

Face it, whether a person is WFH or braving the world we are all still in the same uncertain climate with the same challenges to find perspective and survive the day. Most people haven’t “used this time” to learn a new language, open an Etsy shop, or lose 30 lbs. We didn’t perfect the art of sourdough, or make our own pasta, or learn the guitar to serenade the elderly neighbors at the end of the cul du sac, and we are tired of the guilt that goes along with the notion that we should have mastered all those things by now.

Side note, I do not live on a cul de sac and doubt my neighbors want serenading anyway, but I did make candy one day and it was a disaster to look at but still tasted good.  I take that as a win.

My Exercise: Jot down one thing each morning that was different yesterday and one thing you hope to be different today.  Big or small, same, or different, there is no right or wrong, only a physical acknowledgement of moving forward.  That’s all you need for today. Eventually you will have a roadmap of your journey and you just might be surprised at how far you’ve moved since day one. Review from time to time.

#2 Get rid of resolutions. (set goals instead)

For many years I set the same resolutions and made bets with myself on how long I would keep them before I broke them. That meant I already (unconsciously) knew I would break them! That game I set for myself only recognized my failure in the end, and rarely netted a win.

As I looked back over my career, I realize that my work philosophy has always been to set manageable goals with an intention of going beyond that goal to the next level, moving the bar higher with each win. It has proven to be a motivating way of reaching levels beyond expectations and creates forward movement with the ability to course correct along the way instead of a mad dash to the top. If it works professionally why wouldn’t I do the same thing personally?

No matter what a person is trying to do, setting ourselves up for success instead of failure has a much higher chance of succeeding. Resolutions are just re-solutions to that which has already failed. Why would I repeat failure?

My exercise: Pick a resolution and change it to a goal. Set up realistic milestones and move them higher as soon as you achieve them. Repeat with every challenge.

#3 Move. (Ground yourself)

I read somewhere that the best way to beat your alarm clock’s snooze button forever is to get up and put your feet on the ground – if even for 5 seconds – the moment you hear it. That act will wake you up enough to start your internal clock and set some consistency so that you wake up easier. As someone who used to set 3 alarms for a morning wake up, and loves my snooze button, I was astonished that it works.

I realized that if it could change this habit it could work in other areas of my day to level set my attitude. The goal is to get up in order to get grounded for two minutes an hour.
Moving for 2 (or eventually longer) minutes per hour will not sabotage your productivity – ever – but it will increase your well-being.

My exercise: Set a reminder to get up every hour and stand, feet connected to the ground for at least 1 - 2 minutes. In that time, at the very least, I can take a few steps, look out a window or grab a glass of water. The simple act of changing my perspective and grounding myself goes a long way to reset my energy.

#4 Breathe (Center yourself)

I can’t tell you how many times I have caught myself holding my breath for no apparent reason. We all do it. In excitement, anticipation, joy, fear, intense concentration, and countless other ways we unconsciously hold our breath to suspend the moment in time. That is stressful to your body. Breathing relieves stress. It’s that simple. I want to breathe more consciously to be less stressed. My goal is at least twice a day (or anytime I feel stress, anger, confusion, etc.) to trigger a reminder to breathe and sneak in a little mindless meditation to reset my mood.

My exercise: Sit in an upright position with your feet on the ground. Close your eyes or slightly drop your lids so you can focus on the tip of your nose. Breathe in for a count of five and breathe out for a count of five. Repeat 2 – 3 times. If you are focusing on the tip of your nose your mind won't (can’t) wander. It’s like a cool party trick for your brain and reminds you to breathe more intentionally.

#5 Don't Assume Intention (Golden Rule)

It’s basically the Golden Rule adapted a bit for the digital email/zoom age.

Every person has a communication style and people often mimic what they see and hear. In an era of zoom meetings, email, and Slack, we are largely left to decipher those intentions through emojis and our own voice in our own head. Considering everything that we are experiencing these days that may lead to a long road with a slippery slope of confusion.

My goal is to always be aware of how others want to be treated (heard) while letting others know how I’d like them to treat (hear) me and to be proactive instead of reactive if I can't decipher and intention. If you treat others the way you want to be treated, they will likely do the same and should net out with everyone treating each other kindly, respectfully, and with a big dose of understanding. 

My exercise:  Read emails without emotion or attitude. This one is harder than you’d think but kind of fun. Because we are all preconditioned to attach a voice to everything we see it is surprising how quickly giving up on preconceived notions can level set the field.

That's it, 5 simple practices to add to your day. Try one, two, all, or none. The idea is to let go of trying to control that which you can't and to focus on making the best of all you can. 

 

It’s still early in the year so don’t be too down on it yet. 

A lot will change in the next few months and we will all be expected to go with the flow. I’m ok with that.

I’ve got my eye on the prize. Bring it on 2021!

 

You can see more of my nature photography here.